I Eat Your Blood But It's Not Really Your Blood, It's Dead Dog Blood And I Didn't Consume It Intentionally Because I Had No Idea You Tainted My Damn Pie
Before I get started, here are a few warnings:
The following post contains SPOILERS.
The film, I Drink Your Blood, contains rape though the act itself is not actually shown. It also contains one scene with real animal violence (a chicken) and two other scenes with real dead animals (a goat and rats). Unfortunately, on-screen animal deaths are something that occur fairly often in exploitation films. I'm not excusing it and I'm not here to debate whether or not films with real animal violence should be supported/viewed. I just thought I'd give anyone who hasn't seen the film yet a head's up.
So this film, like all cinematic masterpieces, opens with hippie pubes. I realize this photo of a man's groin with a sword in front of it isn't the clearest but that's probably for the best.
|Mr. Gross, you really don't have to try so hard to live up to your name.|
The viewer is immediately thrust into a naked, hippie, satanic cult meeting/drug party. If you are not sure you could properly identify a naked, hippie, satanic cult meeting/drug party, for future reference, this is what it looks like...
And Lynn Lowry wasn't even originally supposed to be in this film but the director loved her look so much he stuck her in anyway. Instead of bothering to write her some lines, he just made her character a deaf/mute. But seriously. Look at her! *SWOON*
So these dirty hippies drop acid and proceed to "freak out" for Satan when it's discovered a local girl has been spying on their shenanigans from the bushes. They respond to this invasion of privacy with rape and a beating.
The next day she stumbles back into town and we're introduced to her little brother, Pete. Pete, with the assistance of the local baker whom he works for, takes the wounded girl home. As you'll soon find out, Pete is pretty awesome. In fact, he's a badass.
And also a bit of a creeper...
|I know what I like. Pete! I like Pete!|
Meanwhile, the Satan-mobile has broken down so the hippies decide they're going to find an abandoned house to squat in. They proceed with their satanic hippie antics. Which, of course, involves drugs and violence and an avoidance of soap.
When Pete's grandfather confronts them, they beat him and dose him with acid. This pushes Pete over the edge. He has had enough. He concocts a plan of vengeance that requires him to take the blood of a rabid dog, inject it into meat pies and sell them to the satanic hippies.
You do not fuck with, Pete.
Repeat after me: You do not fuck with Pete.
Because he won't think twice about beating a hippie, even one that outmuscles him...
Or take care of business Old Yeller style...
Do not fuck with him. Or his loved ones.
Are you listening to me? Pete don't play around. He will not hesitate to roofie your pie with rabies.
The satanic hippies have a lot of nerve brutalizing townsfolk and then showing up to buy food from them. At the very least they're asking for boogers in their pies. Of course, what they end up with is much worse. They wolf down the tainted pies and start to feel sick which leads to my favorite bit of dialog from this movie...
From there, the film evolves into what is essentially a zombie/contagion style story as the infected proceed to rampage, killing and spreading the violent disease along the way. The survivors do their best to try to hold out until they can be rescued. What makes this contagion story so much fun to watch and sets it apart from similar storylines is the sheer ridiculousness of the premise. The rabies virus combined with hard drugs causes "unthinkable complications" which appears to mean Super Rabies.
At one point, it even gets spread like an STD when a particularly amorous hippie decides to bed an entire construction crew.
Behold: satanic hippie seduction...
Thanks for joining me!
~Lady Terminator AKA Erika Instead