Monday, October 27, 2014

Blood Glacier (2013)

Eyeball Treat
: Blood Glacier (2013)

First Time View? Yup!
The Meat of It: The blood glacier looks like a refreshing beverage to local wildlife. The problem is that it contains organisms that take the DNA of the wildlife that drinks it and the DNA of anything in the wildlife's stomach and mixes it up into a creature cocktail.

Some Thoughts: I honestly thought with a title like Blood Glacier that this was going to be some crazy Sharknado-esque, Syfy Channel cheese. I was completely off on this one. It's a bit like The Thing and even a bit like Alien. I mean, don't go into it expecting it to be of the same caliber as those two amazing films. Blood Glacier is good but it's not that good. 

Warning: Since this is a newer movie I tried to go easy on the spoilers but it does contain clips and talk of the movie. So, ya know, keep that in mind. 


Here are five things I love about Blood Glacier:

1. This guy. The imperfect hero. 

He drinks. He smokes. He doesn't wear pants when he goes to work. He's grumpy, grizzled, rude, emotionally damaged and anti-social. But when it comes down to doing what needs to be done, this guy still manages to pull it off. 

2. The isolation.

The isolation in this film is one of the things it has in common with movies like The Thing and Alien. Though not as expertly utilized as those films, it does add another layer to the horror.

 3. The creatures.

I'm a sucker for creatures. And since the plot is set up in such a way that it's like a Mad Libs for creature design it's exactly my kind of film. 

I also like that the film hints at the ideas that mythological creatures like mermaids, wolfmen and even Anubis, the Egyptian jackal-headed god, may have been a reality thanks to those tiny gene laboratories.

4.The banana.

The moment when banana-eater is yelled at is pretty hilarious. And I'm not the only one who thinks so. That scene inspired an entire BuzzFeed post called 7 Crying Scenes Made Better With a Banana.

If you're not too lazy to push play, you should watch the banana moment in action and you'll see what I mean.

5. The ending. 

Oh god. The ending. I don't want to spoil it but it's bizarre and exactly the kind of thing I love! It's taking every ounce of strength I can muster to resist posting spoiler screenshots. I love it so much!


I definitely recommend Blood Glacier! Though I do not recommend watching the dubbed version because the voices just don't sound right at all. If this were a sillier movie, I'd say go ahead but the  goofiness of the dubbing takes away from the atmosphere. Stick to the original German language version and use subtitles if needed.

Until next time...

Deadly Beetle-Fox Kisses,
Lady Terminator AKA Erika Instead

Thursday, October 23, 2014

FleshEater (1988)

AKA Three Drunk Girls Go To The Movies

Eyeball Treat: FleshEater (1988)

First Time View? Yes! And actually, I have not one but TWO special guests on my blog today! And this was a first time view for each of them, too!  

The Meat of It: Bill Hinzman is a cool sonofabitch. 

Even animated Bill is pretty tits.

He just wants to make sure you get your fill of zombies. And awkward makeout scenes. And denim. And tractors. 

Seriously, I love this dude. If you've read my mission statement then you already know just how much I adore filmmakers who disregard any advice that might lead them to rethink their project. I am truly inspired by people who take what someone else might consider a terrible, terrible idea and soldier on until completion. I can now add Bill Hinzman to my list of heroes.

So Who are These Special Guests? I had two fabulous dates for the evening. One is the alluring and talented author, Autumn Christian.  The other is a beautiful Hidden Horror contributor, and one of several bloggers at Dreams in the Bitch House...Fawn Krisenthia. I was surrounded by awesome.

A Little About Our Night: We headed out to the super amazing Terror Tuesday event at The Alamo Drafthouse in Austin, TX where those incredible bastards were showing a rare archival 35 mm print of FleshEater! The Alamo always provides for a perfect viewing experience. Before the feature film there was a pre-show with clips and trailers tailor-made to appeal to the type of crowd that shows up for a film called FleshEater. And one of my favorite parts is when the event host (in the case of Terror Tuesday that would be Joseph A. Ziemba) takes the stage and talks a little about the film we're about to enjoy. Joseph knows his shit. Not only are his intros informative but his enthusiasm is always apparent. And it's contagious. By the time the film is about to roll, I'm always pumped thanks to Joseph! 

Anyway, the reason this post is titled AKA Three Drunk Girls Go To The Movies is because we had some time to kill beforehand. And we killed that time by killing a few drinks.

And then we killed a few more.

After the movie, I asked each of my lovely, drunken friends what their favorite part was. 

 Warning: Beware of Spoily Spoilers.


1. Here is Autumn's favorite part of FleshEater.

Well, not precisely that part. Her exact words were, "When that angel got shot in the face." 

I kinda can't stop watching this.

It was like that part but more facey. Unfortunately, I can't show you a clip of that dude planting a bullet in angel kid's face. It's implied that it's happening but it's all off screen.

What I can show you is the shooter making this face when he does the deed...

Also, a fun fact I learned from IMDb is that the little angel is actually Bill Hinzman's daughter, Heidi. Makes that scene even more special.

2. Here is Fawn's favorite part of FleshEater:

When I asked her, this was her response:

"Hypothesis: Can you eat through denim?"
"Conclusion: YOPE."

And Fawn does have a point. If denim is your thing, this movie will have you creaming in your pants. Your denim pants.

Just look at this rad Denim Dance Party.

Admit it. You totally got a denim boner from watching that. 

And despite all that denim, everyone still ends up like this.

Your precious denim can't save you.

And this girl was on to denim and its false notions of protection. She realized it was nothing but dead weight so she performed a rare maneuver known as The Denim Discard. 

It didn't really help her though since the thing that's even easier to bite through than denim covered skin is skin that's not covered by denim.

3. Here is my favorite part of FleshEater:

This fabulous bit contains two of my favorite things...super lame party scenes and really awkward dance action. I am especially a sucker for these types of scenes when I get the feeling I'm supposed to think this is a super cool party filled with super cool people.

I'm guessing the guy on the right is in costume since he's not wearing denim but it's hard to say for sure.

Actually, I grew up in a small town so this is a fairly accurate depiction of what an epic barn party is like. 

This was my actual quote regarding my favorite scene... "Everything about the rockin' barn dance scene but especially the nose-bite scene."  

So, here's the glorious nose-bite...

One thing's for sure the gore effects are actually pretty decent and definitely a ton of fun!

All Three Drunk Girls Agree:

The Night of the Living Dead "homage" near the end with these two is pretty freaking great. 

And the Tampa Speech? Amazing. 

I wanted to give you a sample of the Tampa Speech but Youtube didn't have an English language version of FleshEater up. But they did have one in Spanish. Though I'm pretty sure she's speaking the universal language of love when she speaks of the heaven known as Tampa.


 FleshEater Ratings:

It appears to be the general consensus among Three Drunk Girls that FleshEater is fantastically fun. Definitely check it out!

Bonus Photo!

After the show, the host was handing out codes for the FleshEater soundtrack. That's just one of the little extra touches that makes coming to the Alamo such a blast. And Joseph was kind enough to pose for a photo!
Lady Terminator (Erika Instead) and Terror Tuesday host, Joseph A. Ziemba.

A big thanks to the Alamo for doing what it does and screening gems like FleshEater!  And thanks to my special guests for joining us today on this denim laden adventure! And if you like strange adventures with a little less denim, be sure to check out Autumn's and Fawn's writing! 

Until next time...

Denim Hugs,
Lady Terminator AKA Erika Instead

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Brain Damage (1988)

Eyeball Treat: Brain Damage (1988)

First Time View? Nope! This was another one I watched with those awesome folks over at Halloween Horror Club!

The Meat of It: Aylmer will get you high but you're going to have to pay him in brains. You won't care though because you'll be too busy enjoying yourself.


Warning: Beware of Spoily Spoilers.


Here are five things I love about Brain Damage:

1. Aylmer. Of course #1 is Aylmer. He's the best thing ever! Just look at that little face!

Here's some more Aylmer because he's awesome.


2. Bathtime:

Screw rubber ducky. Aylmer knows how to make bathtime lots of fun.

3. The Blowjob Scene:

 Feels like ya got a real monster in there.


4. Beverly Bonner

That's Beverly on the left.
I adore her! She only has a small cameo in this one but I love that she's a Henenlotter regular. She has a lot of personality and is always fun even if her screen time is brief.

5. Kevin Van Hentenryck  and the reference to Basket Case:

What's in the basket?
I love Basket Case so I thoroughly enjoyed this little wink from the director!


Bonus Time!

Here's Aylmer's Tune:

And here's me sporting some fangirl stuff I scored at horror conventions:

Aylmer prop from  DWN Productions
Brain Damage skirt from Pretty Spooky Handmade (made from an upcycled Fright Rags t-shirt)

Chillin' with my lil' blue buddy.

Until next time...

Puttin' the Kick in a Chicken,
Lady Terminator AKA Erika Instead

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Witching and Bitching (2013)

Eyeball Treat: Witching and Bitching (2013)
Original Title:Las brujas de Zugarramurdi

First Time View? YES!


The Meat of It: Women are bitches. Sometimes they're witches. 

Warning: Since this is a fairly new movie, I've tried not to include too many spoilers. But really, this movie is kickass. You should just go watch it.  

Here are five things I love about Witching & Bitching:

1. The Opening Action Sequence:


A bunch of mascots/street performers including Spongebob, Green Army Guy, Silver Jesus and his 10 year old son, rob a Cash 4 Gold type store. This scene is gorgeous and funny and action packed. And the imagery is fantastic! 

Also, is it weird that I was crushing on Silver Jesus? Because I was.

2. The Bathroom Scenes:

Oh, holy hell. Maybe I'm just a spoiled American, but take away that eyeball in the toilet hole and the hand....even clean that place up and make that bathroom shine...and I'm still terrified of and confused by these toilets. I realize that squatting is a perfectly acceptable way to take care of business but I think I'd rather do it in the bushes than over some weird drain in the floor or that sink looking thing. 

3. Javier Botet

I love this guy. Botet is a unique actor in that he has a disorder called marfan syndrome that accounts for his gaunt appearance and contortion abilities.  But it's not just the way he looks and moves that impresses me. He's just a really good actor. In Witching and Bitching he is spot on in a performance that is both amusing and creepy. 

For more Botet, check out this incredible test footage for the movie Mama.

4. Macarena Gomez

I just find her mesmerizing. I've been a Macarena Gomez fan ever since Dagon.

As Uxía Cambarro in Dagon.

5. Carolina Bang

Not only does she have an awesome name and is married to the director (Alex de la Iglesia) but she plays a bitchin' babe. And the side of her head is shaved. It's incredibly hot. Sure her character is a little emotionally unstable, but you would be, too, if you were raised in a man-hating coven. 


I really enjoyed this flick. It was strange, hilarious, gruesome, and expertly shot. Most of all, it's highly entertaining! I definitely recommend it!

Until next time...

Witchy-Bitchy Love,
Lady Terminator AKA Erika Instead

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Street Trash (1987)

Eyeball Treat: Street Trash (1987)

First Time View? Nuh-uh. But it was a virgin viewing for my movie watching partner and today's fabulous special guest, Danger Slater!

The Meat of It: Drinking Tenafly Viper has some pretty harsh side effects. Also, everyone is terrible. Everyone. 

Hey, now. Back it up. Who's this Danger Slater dude? Danger Slater is the sex. He may also be a tapir but that has not yet been confirmed. He's also a published author, the genius behind the video series Trying to Remember Movies, and a Nic Cage fan. He also happens to be a pretty fun movie buddy. 

This guy.

And since he's my special guest, I'm gonna let him take over for a bit while I skip out to do whatever it is that people do when someone else is doing the wordy stuff on their blog. Maybe I'll help myself to a drink...

And just a friendly reminder, it's about to get real spoilery up in here. 

Here are five things Danger Slater loves about Street Trash

1. Rainbow Toilet Guy: 

Toilet Guy is the first victim of the Tenafly Viper wine. The dude literally dissolves into brightly-colored slime. This poison wine shit works crazy FAST. Just one sip and, like, a minute later you're looking like Rainbow Brite's toilet after she ate some bad Indian food. 

2. The Al Pacino of Bums:

This guy is the second victim of the Viper wine. But he doesn't just drink it and melt like some kind of fucking...pancake or whatever. No. Before he even takes a sip, he has to deliver a long soliloquy to the liquor store clerk, lament upon life and all the turmoil it brings, befriend a curious black cat and then, ONLY THEN, does he imbibe that final, fatal drink. I say it's a goddamn shame the Academy overlooked this guy's performance.

3. The 'Shoplifting' Scene:

This is a fairly long, largely unnecessary scene where the gas-masked bum shoves lots and lots of raw chicken down his pants. He is confronted by an old lady who gets the store manager. They then proceed to argue about whether or not there is chicken in his pants for another few minutes. I like this scene because it addresses the philosophical and ethical dilemma of racial inequality in America, and also because I like the way raw chicken feels against my own genitals.

Pardon me, sir, but I can see your chicken.

4. This Guy's Jacket:

I actually forgot why they were even fighting. Something about his girlfriend disappearing or something. Who cares? Look at my dude's jacket. I am so jealous of that jacket! And with the pink pants combo? Human beings actually dressed like this? And not only that, but his guy's fashion sense sets off a chain of events that quickly ends with the least convincing fight scene in movie history. If you haven't seen this movie, here's how I'll describe it to you: Do you remember that kick-ass fight scene from They Live? Now picture the exact opposite of that.

Plus, at the end of the fight, the cop totally barfs on the cool jacket guy's head to further shame him. I'm pretty sure that's police protocol, right?

5. Penis Keep-away:

I mean, I don't even know what to say here...

This. I'll say this.

Alright, Lady Terminator here. I see my blog was left in capable hands and Danger has chosen some pretty incredible scenes. I most certainly agree with him. I love all those things! But today's your lucky day because...

Here are five more things I love about Street Trash:

1. The Setting:

Everything is run down, trashy, covered in graffiti, and dirty. And I'm not just talking about the bulk of the scenes that take place in a junkyard. It's like that everywhere.

And check this place out. I've been calling this the Tire Fort. Two of the main characters live there. That car is their front door.

2. Exploding Dude:


Also, that's the visual I have when a certain someone I know is especially gassy. I live in constant fear that this will one day happen.

3. This Chic's Entire Performance:

She is incredibly convincing as a junkie/drunk/mentally disturbed person.

Even freakier, here's the actress from a clip about a deleted scene...

Holy shit! She looks like a normal human being! Well, as normal as someone wearing shoulder pads can look.

Another reason to love her character...this happens:

I'm a sucker for melty tits.

4. James Lorinz  AKA "Doorman"

I'm a HUGE Frankenhooker fan so seeing James in this small first role was a pleasure. 

Plus, he talks like this...

 Don of Douchebags

Speaking of talking, that's my #5...

5. The Awesome Lines: 
(Do I really have to warn you to watch the company you're in when you play these?)

You just want my...

I read like...

She stinks...

Street trash!

And that brings us to the final scores:

So, despite not being able to agree on precisely how many Rainbow Toilet Guys this film has earned, Danger and I can agree that Street Trash is a trashy good time and definitely worth a watch!

A big thanks to Danger Slater for joining us today on this disgusting, hilarious, adventure. And if you like strange adventures, adventures involving killer roads or giant decayed thumb sex, be sure to check out Danger's writing!

Until next time...

Viper Kisses,
Lady Terminator AKA Erika Instead