Showing posts with label 5/5. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 5/5. Show all posts

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Six-String Samurai (1998)



The Meat of Six-String Samurai (1998): Buddy just wants to be king but an orphaned kid, roving gangs of the wasteland, and Death himself aren't going to make this easy.

Lady Terminator's Special Guest: Author and editor, John Bruni! This dude writes the shit out of strange fiction. 
 
Available on Amazon

And when he's not getting his own writing out there, he's editing pieces for StrangeHouse Books and their monster erotica imprint, MonstErection Publishing. Check out John's blog Tabard Inn: Tales of Questionable Taste to read some of his stories and to keep up with his projects!


And now here's John with 5 things he loves about Six-String Samurai. As always, be forewarned. Mild spoilers may lurk ahead!

Back when I was in college, I watched a lot of late night Skinemax. No, not for the purpose of seeing softcore porn, although I wouldn't turn away from it if I found it. No, occasionally they played oddball movies you wouldn't be able to find anywhere else. It's where I saw Cannibal: The Musical for the first time, and this was before South Park was a show. In fact, they played a lot of Troma movies back then, which is how I saw Terror Firmer for the first time. 

Howerever, the night I stumbled upon Six-String Samurai changed my life. I was consuming a lot of bizarro work back then, in ye olde days before they had a name for the genre, when guys like Joe R. Lansdale were putting out the weirdest stories available. Six-String Samurai was the king of all bizarro cinema back then, and it hit me in just the right part of my mind at just the right time. I have yet to see anything like it, and as a result, it is one of my favorite movies of all time. 

I know this blog is more about horror than bizarro, but rest assured: this movie contains enough horror elements to qualify, as one of the villains will attest. Also, there is a sequence that happens in Hell (or at least the afterlife). Here are a few things I truly enjoy about this movie.


1. The Setting




This movie is technically alternate reality science fiction. The point of divergence with our reality? In 1957, the USSR nuked the fuck out of the US and took over everything except for Lost Vegas, "the last bastion of freedom" where Elvis Presley reigns as king.





Fast forward forty years, and Elvis has died. Now, every guitar-slinging swordsman wants the crown. Let the competition begin!





2. The Hero



The Six-String Samurai in question is a guy named Buddy, who looks suspiciously like Buddy Holly




Hell, they even call him Buddy, although a last name is never mentioned. He is the Clint Eastwood-ish anti-hero of our story. He's a warrior guitarist who has a habit of saying "swell" whenever something happens that he doesn't like. (That's more of a Dirty Harry thing than a Man with No Name thing, but still.)




He would have been at home in a Sergio Leone western or any number of kung fu classics. All he wants to do is get to Vegas and win the crown, but when he unintentionally rescues a kid from Death, he finds himself learning how to care for others, a necessary quality for a good king to have. 



3. The Tone



This movie is shot like a spaghetti western, which makes sense since the first such western, A Fistful of Dollars, was inspired by a Japanese samurai movie called Yojimbo




Except here, the Ennio Morricone score has been replaced by rock 'n' roll tunes. 





Plus, there's a reference to Clint early in the movie when a character who looks and sounds a lot like him shows up at a gas station/bar and accidentally sets himself on fire. 





4. The Villain



You can't get any better than Death himself. He's a contender for the throne, and he spends most of the movie killing other guitarist warriors. The fact that he looks like Slash is even more awesome, and you never see his face...


  

...except for in brief moments when all you can see is a skull.





5. Buddy's Encounters




To describe the things Buddy and the kid have to go through to get to Lost Vegas would be an act of madness. It's all so over the top, it's insane. It's bizarro. 

The first group of bad guys is made up of bowling enthusiasts. They dress in bowling shirts and carry around ball-bags; inside of each is a mace and a bowling pin dagger.






In the background, you can see the Red Elvises, a rock 'n' roll group of Elvis impersonating Russians who want Buddy's guitar (and, of course, the throne). 




You'll also see quite a few Mad Max-esque headbangers who catapult gumballs at their enemies. 





And then there are the Windmill People who dress in astronaut suits and worship an underground machine gone mad. 





The Red Army puts in a slightly racist appearance, as they fill in the role of the Native American in this insane western/kung fu extravaganza. 




But none of these villains can hold a candle to the cannibal family who live their lives as if they were the Cleavers from Leave It to Beaver





This family alone is worth the price of admission. Although I'm pretty sure I did a good job of enticing you. If you like bizarro, you should not miss this movie.  



What does Lady Terminator think?

Oh, man. This movie is fantastic. It's just my kind of strange, it has a great soundtrack and the visuals are gorgeous. They really milked these desolate locations for some tasty eye candy. I'm just going to let these amazing images do the talking...


















The Final Tallies?







What we learned today:


1. Six-String Samurai is a beautifully bizarre film and totally worth your time. 

2. John Bruni is also beautifully bizarre and his books are totally worth your time.  (You can pick some up here.)


Until next time...

Stay Swell,
Lady Terminator AKA Erika Instead




Thursday, October 16, 2014

Witching and Bitching (2013)


Eyeball Treat: Witching and Bitching (2013)
Original Title:Las brujas de Zugarramurdi

First Time View? YES!

 

The Meat of It: Women are bitches. Sometimes they're witches. 


Warning: Since this is a fairly new movie, I've tried not to include too many spoilers. But really, this movie is kickass. You should just go watch it.  

Here are five things I love about Witching & Bitching:



1. The Opening Action Sequence:


 


A bunch of mascots/street performers including Spongebob, Green Army Guy, Silver Jesus and his 10 year old son, rob a Cash 4 Gold type store. This scene is gorgeous and funny and action packed. And the imagery is fantastic! 

Also, is it weird that I was crushing on Silver Jesus? Because I was.


2. The Bathroom Scenes:




Oh, holy hell. Maybe I'm just a spoiled American, but take away that eyeball in the toilet hole and the hand....even clean that place up and make that bathroom shine...and I'm still terrified of and confused by these toilets. I realize that squatting is a perfectly acceptable way to take care of business but I think I'd rather do it in the bushes than over some weird drain in the floor or that sink looking thing. 


3. Javier Botet


I love this guy. Botet is a unique actor in that he has a disorder called marfan syndrome that accounts for his gaunt appearance and contortion abilities.  But it's not just the way he looks and moves that impresses me. He's just a really good actor. In Witching and Bitching he is spot on in a performance that is both amusing and creepy. 

For more Botet, check out this incredible test footage for the movie Mama.


4. Macarena Gomez



I just find her mesmerizing. I've been a Macarena Gomez fan ever since Dagon.

As Uxía Cambarro in Dagon.


5. Carolina Bang




Not only does she have an awesome name and is married to the director (Alex de la Iglesia) but she plays a bitchin' babe. And the side of her head is shaved. It's incredibly hot. Sure her character is a little emotionally unstable, but you would be, too, if you were raised in a man-hating coven. 
  

Rating:

I really enjoyed this flick. It was strange, hilarious, gruesome, and expertly shot. Most of all, it's highly entertaining! I definitely recommend it!


Until next time...

Witchy-Bitchy Love,
Lady Terminator AKA Erika Instead


Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Street Trash (1987)




Eyeball Treat: Street Trash (1987)

First Time View? Nuh-uh. But it was a virgin viewing for my movie watching partner and today's fabulous special guest, Danger Slater!

The Meat of It: Drinking Tenafly Viper has some pretty harsh side effects. Also, everyone is terrible. Everyone. 

Hey, now. Back it up. Who's this Danger Slater dude? Danger Slater is the sex. He may also be a tapir but that has not yet been confirmed. He's also a published author, the genius behind the video series Trying to Remember Movies, and a Nic Cage fan. He also happens to be a pretty fun movie buddy. 

This guy.

And since he's my special guest, I'm gonna let him take over for a bit while I skip out to do whatever it is that people do when someone else is doing the wordy stuff on their blog. Maybe I'll help myself to a drink...



 
And just a friendly reminder, it's about to get real spoilery up in here. 
 

Here are five things Danger Slater loves about Street Trash


1. Rainbow Toilet Guy: 



Toilet Guy is the first victim of the Tenafly Viper wine. The dude literally dissolves into brightly-colored slime. This poison wine shit works crazy FAST. Just one sip and, like, a minute later you're looking like Rainbow Brite's toilet after she ate some bad Indian food. 




2. The Al Pacino of Bums:



This guy is the second victim of the Viper wine. But he doesn't just drink it and melt like some kind of fucking...pancake or whatever. No. Before he even takes a sip, he has to deliver a long soliloquy to the liquor store clerk, lament upon life and all the turmoil it brings, befriend a curious black cat and then, ONLY THEN, does he imbibe that final, fatal drink. I say it's a goddamn shame the Academy overlooked this guy's performance.






3. The 'Shoplifting' Scene:


This is a fairly long, largely unnecessary scene where the gas-masked bum shoves lots and lots of raw chicken down his pants. He is confronted by an old lady who gets the store manager. They then proceed to argue about whether or not there is chicken in his pants for another few minutes. I like this scene because it addresses the philosophical and ethical dilemma of racial inequality in America, and also because I like the way raw chicken feels against my own genitals.

Pardon me, sir, but I can see your chicken.



4. This Guy's Jacket:


I actually forgot why they were even fighting. Something about his girlfriend disappearing or something. Who cares? Look at my dude's jacket. I am so jealous of that jacket! And with the pink pants combo? Human beings actually dressed like this? And not only that, but his guy's fashion sense sets off a chain of events that quickly ends with the least convincing fight scene in movie history. If you haven't seen this movie, here's how I'll describe it to you: Do you remember that kick-ass fight scene from They Live? Now picture the exact opposite of that.



Plus, at the end of the fight, the cop totally barfs on the cool jacket guy's head to further shame him. I'm pretty sure that's police protocol, right?




5. Penis Keep-away:



I mean, I don't even know what to say here...


This. I'll say this.

Alright, Lady Terminator here. I see my blog was left in capable hands and Danger has chosen some pretty incredible scenes. I most certainly agree with him. I love all those things! But today's your lucky day because...

Here are five more things I love about Street Trash:

1. The Setting:


Everything is run down, trashy, covered in graffiti, and dirty. And I'm not just talking about the bulk of the scenes that take place in a junkyard. It's like that everywhere.


And check this place out. I've been calling this the Tire Fort. Two of the main characters live there. That car is their front door.





2. Exploding Dude:



Because EXPLODING DUDE. 

Also, that's the visual I have when a certain someone I know is especially gassy. I live in constant fear that this will one day happen.
 

3. This Chic's Entire Performance:


She is incredibly convincing as a junkie/drunk/mentally disturbed person.

Even freakier, here's the actress from a clip about a deleted scene...


Holy shit! She looks like a normal human being! Well, as normal as someone wearing shoulder pads can look.

Another reason to love her character...this happens:

I'm a sucker for melty tits.


4. James Lorinz  AKA "Doorman"


I'm a HUGE Frankenhooker fan so seeing James in this small first role was a pleasure. 

Plus, he talks like this...

 Don of Douchebags


Speaking of talking, that's my #5...

5. The Awesome Lines: 
(Do I really have to warn you to watch the company you're in when you play these?)

You just want my...


I read like...


She stinks...

Street trash!




And that brings us to the final scores:




So, despite not being able to agree on precisely how many Rainbow Toilet Guys this film has earned, Danger and I can agree that Street Trash is a trashy good time and definitely worth a watch!

A big thanks to Danger Slater for joining us today on this disgusting, hilarious, adventure. And if you like strange adventures, adventures involving killer roads or giant decayed thumb sex, be sure to check out Danger's writing!


Until next time...

Viper Kisses,
Lady Terminator AKA Erika Instead