FleshEater (1988)

AKA Three Drunk Girls Go To The Movies

Eyeball Treat: FleshEater (1988)

First Time View? Yes! And actually, I have not one but TWO special guests on my blog today! And this was a first time view for each of them, too!  

The Meat of It: Bill Hinzman is a cool sonofabitch. 

Even animated Bill is pretty tits.

He just wants to make sure you get your fill of zombies. And awkward makeout scenes. And denim. And tractors. 

Seriously, I love this dude. If you've read my mission statement then you already know just how much I adore filmmakers who disregard any advice that might lead them to rethink their project. I am truly inspired by people who take what someone else might consider a terrible, terrible idea and soldier on until completion. I can now add Bill Hinzman to my list of heroes.

So Who are These Special Guests? I had two fabulous dates for the evening. One is the alluring and talented author, Autumn Christian.  The other is a beautiful Hidden Horror contributor, and one of several bloggers at Dreams in the Bitch House...Fawn Krisenthia. I was surrounded by awesome.

A Little About Our Night: We headed out to the super amazing Terror Tuesday event at The Alamo Drafthouse in Austin, TX where those incredible bastards were showing a rare archival 35 mm print of FleshEater! The Alamo always provides for a perfect viewing experience. Before the feature film there was a pre-show with clips and trailers tailor-made to appeal to the type of crowd that shows up for a film called FleshEater. And one of my favorite parts is when the event host (in the case of Terror Tuesday that would be Joseph A. Ziemba) takes the stage and talks a little about the film we're about to enjoy. Joseph knows his shit. Not only are his intros informative but his enthusiasm is always apparent. And it's contagious. By the time the film is about to roll, I'm always pumped thanks to Joseph! 

Anyway, the reason this post is titled AKA Three Drunk Girls Go To The Movies is because we had some time to kill beforehand. And we killed that time by killing a few drinks.

And then we killed a few more.

After the movie, I asked each of my lovely, drunken friends what their favorite part was. 

 Warning: Beware of Spoily Spoilers.

  

1. Here is Autumn's favorite part of FleshEater.

Well, not precisely that part. Her exact words were, "When that angel got shot in the face." 

I kinda can't stop watching this.

It was like that part but more facey. Unfortunately, I can't show you a clip of that dude planting a bullet in angel kid's face. It's implied that it's happening but it's all off screen.

What I can show you is the shooter making this face when he does the deed...

Also, a fun fact I learned from IMDb is that the little angel is actually Bill Hinzman's daughter, Heidi. Makes that scene even more special.



2. Here is Fawn's favorite part of FleshEater:

When I asked her, this was her response:

"Hypothesis: Can you eat through denim?"
"Conclusion: YOPE."

And Fawn does have a point. If denim is your thing, this movie will have you creaming in your pants. Your denim pants.

Just look at this rad Denim Dance Party.



Admit it. You totally got a denim boner from watching that. 

And despite all that denim, everyone still ends up like this.

Your precious denim can't save you.

And this girl was on to denim and its false notions of protection. She realized it was nothing but dead weight so she performed a rare maneuver known as The Denim Discard. 



It didn't really help her though since the thing that's even easier to bite through than denim covered skin is skin that's not covered by denim.



3. Here is my favorite part of FleshEater:




This fabulous bit contains two of my favorite things...super lame party scenes and really awkward dance action. I am especially a sucker for these types of scenes when I get the feeling I'm supposed to think this is a super cool party filled with super cool people.

I'm guessing the guy on the right is in costume since he's not wearing denim but it's hard to say for sure.

Actually, I grew up in a small town so this is a fairly accurate depiction of what an epic barn party is like. 

This was my actual quote regarding my favorite scene... "Everything about the rockin' barn dance scene but especially the nose-bite scene."  

So, here's the glorious nose-bite...


One thing's for sure the gore effects are actually pretty decent and definitely a ton of fun!


All Three Drunk Girls Agree:

The Night of the Living Dead "homage" near the end with these two is pretty freaking great. 

And the Tampa Speech? Amazing. 

I wanted to give you a sample of the Tampa Speech but Youtube didn't have an English language version of FleshEater up. But they did have one in Spanish. Though I'm pretty sure she's speaking the universal language of love when she speaks of the heaven known as Tampa.

 Dreamy.

 FleshEater Ratings:

It appears to be the general consensus among Three Drunk Girls that FleshEater is fantastically fun. Definitely check it out!


Bonus Photo!

After the show, the host was handing out codes for the FleshEater soundtrack. That's just one of the little extra touches that makes coming to the Alamo such a blast. And Joseph was kind enough to pose for a photo!
 

Lady Terminator (Erika Instead) and Terror Tuesday host, Joseph A. Ziemba.

A big thanks to the Alamo for doing what it does and screening gems like FleshEater!  And thanks to my special guests for joining us today on this denim laden adventure! And if you like strange adventures with a little less denim, be sure to check out Autumn's and Fawn's writing! 



Until next time...

Denim Hugs,
Lady Terminator AKA Erika Instead

Brain Damage (1988)

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Street Trash (1987)

Eyeball Treat: Street Trash (1987)

First Time View? Nuh-uh. But it was a virgin viewing for my movie watching partner and today's fabulous special guest, Danger Slater!

The Meat of It: Drinking Tenafly Viper has some pretty harsh side effects. Also, everyone is terrible. Everyone. 

Hey, now. Back it up. Who's this Danger Slater dude? Danger Slater is the sex. He may also be a tapir but that has not yet been confirmed. He's also a published author, the genius behind the video series Trying to Remember Movies, and a Nic Cage fan. He also happens to be a pretty fun movie buddy. 

This guy.

And since he's my special guest, I'm gonna let him take over for a bit while I skip out to do whatever it is that people do when someone else is doing the wordy stuff on their blog. Maybe I'll help myself to a drink...

 
And just a friendly reminder, it's about to get real spoilery up in here. 
 

Here are five things Danger Slater loves about Street Trash: 


1. Rainbow Toilet Guy: 



Toilet Guy is the first victim of the Tenafly Viper wine. The dude literally dissolves into brightly-colored slime. This poison wine shit works crazy FAST. Just one sip and, like, a minute later you're looking like Rainbow Brite's toilet after she ate some bad Indian food. 




2. The Al Pacino of Bums:

This guy is the second victim of the Viper wine. But he doesn't just drink it and melt like some kind of fucking...pancake or whatever. No. Before he even takes a sip, he has to deliver a long soliloquy to the liquor store clerk, lament upon life and all the turmoil it brings, befriend a curious black cat and then, ONLY THEN, does he imbibe that final, fatal drink. I say it's a goddamn shame the Academy overlooked this guy's performance.

3. The 'Shoplifting' Scene:


This is a fairly long, largely unnecessary scene where the gas-masked bum shoves lots and lots of raw chicken down his pants. He is confronted by an old lady who gets the store manager. They then proceed to argue about whether or not there is chicken in his pants for another few minutes. I like this scene because it addresses the philosophical and ethical dilemma of racial inequality in America, and also because I like the way raw chicken feels against my own genitals.

Pardon me, sir, but I can see your chicken.

4. This Guy's Jacket:

I actually forgot why they were even fighting. Something about his girlfriend disappearing or something. Who cares? Look at my dude's jacket. I am so jealous of that jacket! And with the pink pants combo? Human beings actually dressed like this? And not only that, but his guy's fashion sense sets off a chain of events that quickly ends with the least convincing fight scene in movie history. If you haven't seen this movie, here's how I'll describe it to you: Do you remember that kick-ass fight scene from They Live? Now picture the exact opposite of that.



Plus, at the end of the fight, the cop totally barfs on the cool jacket guy's head to further shame him. I'm pretty sure that's police protocol, right?




5. Penis Keep-away:

I mean, I don't even know what to say here...

This. I'll say this.

Alright, Lady Terminator here. I see my blog was left in capable hands and Danger has chosen some pretty incredible scenes. I most certainly agree with him. I love all those things! But today's your lucky day because...

Here are five more things I love about Street Trash:

1. The Setting:

Everything is run down, trashy, covered in graffiti, and dirty. And I'm not just talking about the bulk of the scenes that take place in a junkyard. It's like that everywhere.

And check this place out. I've been calling this the Tire Fort. Two of the main characters live there. That car is their front door.

2. Exploding Dude:



Because EXPLODING DUDE. 

Also, that's the visual I have when a certain someone I know is especially gassy. I live in constant fear that this will one day happen.
 

3. This Chic's Entire Performance:

She is incredibly convincing as a junkie/drunk/mentally disturbed person.

Even freakier, here's the actress from a clip about a deleted scene...

Holy shit! She looks like a normal human being! Well, as normal as someone wearing shoulder pads can look.

Another reason to love her character...this happens:

I'm a sucker for melty tits.

4. James Lorinz  AKA "Doorman"


I'm a HUGE Frankenhooker fan so seeing James in this small first role was a pleasure. 

Plus, he talks like this...

 Don of Douchebags

Speaking of talking, that's my #5...

5. The Awesome Lines: 
(Do I really have to warn you to watch the company you're in when you play these?)

You just want my...

I read like...

She stinks...

Street trash!

And that brings us to the final scores:

So, despite not being able to agree on precisely how many Rainbow Toilet Guys this film has earned, Danger and I can agree that Street Trash is a trashy good time and definitely worth a watch!

A big thanks to Danger Slater for joining us today on this disgusting, hilarious, adventure. And if you like strange adventures, adventures involving killer roads or giant decayed thumb sex, be sure to check out Danger's writing!


Until next time...

Viper Kisses,
Lady Terminator AKA Erika Instead

The Church (1989)

Eyeball Treat: Michele Soavi's The Church AKA La chiesa (1989). This dude studied under Dario Argento so you better believe he knows his shit.

First Time View? Nope!

The Meat of It: If you build a church on a mass grave full of pissed off dead people with a reputation for demonic behavior, shit's bound to get messy sooner or later. 

Here are five things I love about The Church:


1. The way this Teutonic Knight rocks the side-braid:

2. The glistening vaginal-looking eye slit on this stone sculpture:

3. Bitey fish-demon:



4. This unique method of bell ringing:



5. Goat-demon sexy times:

The Church is a fun flick and it's masterfully shot. It has an absolutely gorgeous set and the kills are creative. And to be honest, the scenes with the possessed Evan (played by Tomas Arana) skeeving on a very young Lotte (played by 14 year old Asia Argento) are genuinely unsettling.

So definitely check out The Church!

Until next time!

Demonic Kisses,
Lady Terminator AKA Erika Instead

Slime City (1988)

Apparently the last movie I reviewed, Body Melt, put me in the mood to see more people dissolve into goo-puddles. I decided it was time to give the awesomely sloshy, goopfest, Slime City (1988) a watch. This was a first time view for me and what can I say? I had a hankerin' for a deliciously sloppy time and Slime City certainly delivered the fluids.

Warning: Thar be spoilers ahead!

This flick begins with Smug Art Guy thinking if he gets his own place, he can get his prude of a girlfriend to finally give it up and bang him. He's disappointed to discover that his new apartment isn't the magic key that unlocks her vagina. His artwork is also not the vaginal key.

Sex Magnet

He's under the impression that his new building is crammed full of old so there's no chance he'll just be able to appease his sexual appetites with some young and conveniently located strange. But then this big haired vision of 80's eyeshadowed beauty floats down from the heavens and gets him all riled up in the pantszone.

I crowd-sourced on facebook for what kind of music she listens to and Krell Laboratories had the winning suggestion!

Smug Art Guy doesn't immediately hook up with Big Hair but you know it's inevitable. This was the 80's after all and it would have been impossible to turn down hair action as seductive and wanton as that. Plus, look at the way this smokin' hot babe dresses! It's enough to give anyone an 80's boner. MEOW!

Yeah, sure beats my sloppy sweats and t-shirt.

And look at the way she slinks back into her apartment.





Pure sex.

In fact, I've been studying this move and it's how I'm going to enter my home from here on out. It may not be practical but it more than pays off in the coolness department.


So Smug Art Guy also meets another young resident, a poet with Duran Duran hair.

He's also hungry for dinner and invites Smug Art over for some grub which turns out to be delicious, vegetarian... pistachio pudding?





Mmm...a balanced meal! Just like Mom used to make! Actually, this is what Duran Duran tells his dinner guest they're having. Push play. It's funny.

In case you didn't bother to push play because you don't take orders from some blogger chic, he says it's "Himalayan yogurt". I just like the way he says it and you missed out, pal.

Duran Duran and Smug Art pair their fine dining with some mysterious alcohol and the next thing you know, Smug Art is drunk/high/hallucinating and sniffin' around Big Hair's fancy apartment looking for some sweet, sweet Aqua-Netted poon.

They bump uglies. And Smug Art wakes up the next day to some hardcore snail trails.






Might have overdone it with the KY. Scale it back a bit next time, 'kay.

Despite his sticky problem, Smug Art decides to brave the outside world and stop at a diner for a refreshing beverage. You know, like you do when you're hung over and oozing ridiculous amounts of mysterious mucousy shit.

His condition continues to worsen.






That is until he wrecks a homeless dude and discovers it miraculously puts a halt to his nasty skin condition.





Better than ointments and antibiotics!

Life continues to get weird for Smug Art. He needs to keep murdering to keep the liquification problem at bay and "appease the slime".  His new, unorthodox, health regimen causes him to have to distance himself from his girlfriend and friends..er...friend. 

He also discovers the dirty secret the residents of the building have been keeping. Here's a little tidbit. I love this line...

(Language Warning)

Another highlight of this film is Big Hair's dance moves. Or dance move. I call it The Windmill.





I think it's her signature move.




Mesmerizing. Seductive.




She's nailing it. So hard.

Another favorite scene has some thugs trying to rob Smug Art despite the fact that he looks gravely ill and they have no idea if he's contagious. Obviously, it's not going to go well, since we know Smug Art has a teensy weensy killing problem. But there's an unexpected physical side effect of the Himalayan yogurt. One that makes this scene especially fun. If you've seen it, you know what I mean. And it's awesome. Too awesome to reveal here.

But get this. While mugger is gettin' his comeuppance...

This is what his "friends" look like as they watch their buddy get dismembered by a slimy freak...

I'm pretty sure that guy on the right never really liked him all that much.


Now the most important thing about this movie is the last 10 minutes. It's totally insane, off-the-wall and super fun in all the ways you want a movie like this to be. Full of splattery special effects, hilarious lines and an antagonist that just won't die.


Here's a little taste of what you'll get...









Oh, and never fear. That's not the end. No sirree. The slime can not be so easily defeated with a simple decapitation. Nuh-uh. The ending is so much more than that. You should watch it. I mean, look at my rating.

 You can't argue with that. Looks like it's your turn to give Slime City a watch...

Thanks for stopping by! Until next time...

Slimy Hugs and Big Haired Kisses,
Lady Terminator AKA Erika Instead

Uninvited (1988)

This extremely bland title sequence makes me think they blew their creativity wad elsewhere.

I love cats. I love monster movies. I love practical, old school effects...even when they turn out silly. I love flicks with ridiculous covers. Covers like these...

I'm sensing a theme.

So for me, it was hard to ignore the allure of Uninvited (1988). Turns out, we're a match made in heaven. Or more likely, a lab.

The basic gist of this film is that a lab animal—a cat—escapes the pragmatically named Genetic Laboratory's incredibly unsecured facility. This, of course, is no ordinary cat. It's a poisonous, murderous, genetically mutated cat...the best kind of cat...and it ends up on a yacht where it wreaks monstrous mayhem. What's not to love about that plot?! For the most part, it's a truly fun film to watch. It does have a bit of unnecessary and mildly tedious plot concerning the characters on the boat but the monster kitty scenes make up for any moments that may drag. Trust me on this one.

As proof, here is my selling point...

If that completely unconvincing cat head, barfing up a pissed off mini-critter, doesn't compel you to immediately locate a copy of this film, then I'm guessing Uninvited isn't gonna be yo thang. For those of you who feel that gif is a majestic thing of beauty, you're welcome! 


And here's my obligatory warning:

SPOILERS AHEAD!

So, some sciencey guys are sciencing as hard as they can. They decide that the only way they can science any harder is to slice this furball like a loaf of cat-bread.

I can't help but serenade Poison-cat with Alice Cooper's Poison.

Poison-cat is smart enough to know that this procedure isn't going to be terribly beneficial to him so he makes a break for it. This is fairly easy to do since these clowns were too busy sciencing to bother shutting the door. The science guys go into panic mode and trigger the Code Red alert.

They shoot Poison-cat with a tranquilizer and since he's cornered, he's forced to mouth-birth some murder...




Poison-cat manages his escape thanks to a combination of his mutant-murder powers...




...and the fact that "Utterly Incompetent" is a hiring requirement for the security team.

Cats have wings, right?

Then some vaguely interesting stuff happens with some springbreakers and some shady rich guys and they all end up on a yacht together.

Meanwhile, Poison-cat might be a super-hero or an avenging angel. At the very least, a vigilante. Just look at the justice he rains down upon these jagweeds that assaulted and robbed a man.


       

Poison-cat, in his mutant form, looks like a combination of a mangy whistle pig and a well-loved Chewbacca doll I used to own. And how the hell did that thing fit inside a normal sized cat anyway?  

   



Eventually, one of the springbreakers discovers Poison-cat and decides he should accompany them on their trip. I'm not sure why since this chic looks like cats confuse her. 

Am I doing this right?

So everyone gets on the party-boat and there's drinking and hump-dancing. Everyone is having a grand ol' 80's time.




That is until Poison-cat starts deadifying people and pulling some sabotage shit that causes the yacht to overheat.

At one point, one of the college kids does some science with a sextant he uses as a microscope. Vaguely sciencey things are said as it is determined that the cat's blood is poisonous and its bite is deadly.

I know, guy, I know. I find it incredulous, too.

Poison-cat continues his bitey spree. Though, in general, his attacks are either provoked or aimed at people who are "bad". Most of the time, Poison-cat has a pretty decent sense of justice. Except when he contaminated the food supply. That was just a dick-move.

The remainder of the film is a bunch of kickass stuff like this...










This movie really is a blast to watch! So invite over some friends and put on Uninvited!

Until next time...


Poison Nibbles, 

Lady Terminator AKA Erika Instead