Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Uninvited (1988)

This extremely bland title sequence makes me think they blew their creativity wad elsewhere.

I love cats. I love monster movies. I love practical, old school effects...even when they turn out silly. I love flicks with ridiculous covers. Covers like these...

I'm sensing a theme.

So for me, it was hard to ignore the allure of Uninvited (1988). Turns out, we're a match made in heaven. Or more likely, a lab.
The basic gist of this film is that a lab animal—a catescapes the pragmatically named Genetic Laboratory's incredibly unsecured facility. This, of course, is no ordinary cat. It's a poisonous, murderous, genetically mutated cat...the best kind of cat...and it ends up on a yacht where it wreaks monstrous mayhem. What's not to love about that plot?! For the most part, it's a truly fun film to watch. It does have a bit of unnecessary and mildly tedious plot concerning the characters on the boat but the monster kitty scenes make up for any moments that may drag. Trust me on this one.
As proof, here is my selling point...

If that completely unconvincing cat head, barfing up a pissed off mini-critter, doesn't compel you to immediately locate a copy of this film, then I'm guessing Uninvited isn't gonna be yo thang. For those of you who feel that gif is a majestic thing of beauty, you're welcome! 

And here's my obligatory warning:


So, some sciencey guys are sciencing as hard as they can. They decide that the only way they can science any harder is to slice this furball like a loaf of cat-bread.

I can't help but serenade Poison-cat with Alice Cooper's Poison.

Poison-cat is smart enough to know that this procedure isn't going to be terribly beneficial to him so he makes a break for it. This is fairly easy to do since these clowns were too busy sciencing to bother shutting the door. The science guys go into panic mode and trigger the Code Red alert.

They shoot Poison-cat with a tranquilizer and since he's cornered, he's forced to mouth-birth some murder...

Poison-cat manages his escape thanks to a combination of his mutant-murder powers...

...and the fact that "Utterly Incompetent" is a hiring requirement for the security team.

Cats have wings, right?

Then some vaguely interesting stuff happens with some springbreakers and some shady rich guys and they all end up on a yacht together.

Meanwhile, Poison-cat might be a super-hero or an avenging angel. At the very least, a vigilante. Just look at the justice he rains down upon these jagweeds that assaulted and robbed a man.

Poison-cat, in his mutant form, looks like a combination of a mangy whistle pig and a well-loved Chewbacca doll I used to own. And how the hell did that thing fit inside a normal sized cat anyway?  

Eventually, one of the springbreakers discovers Poison-cat and decides he should accompany them on their trip. I'm not sure why since this chic looks like cats confuse her. 

Am I doing this right?

So everyone gets on the party-boat and there's drinking and hump-dancing. Everyone is having a grand ol' 80's time.

That is until Poison-cat starts deadifying people and pulling some sabotage shit that causes the yacht to overheat.

At one point, one of the college kids does some science with a sextant he uses as a microscope. Vaguely sciencey things are said as it is determined that the cat's blood is poisonous and its bite is deadly.

I know, guy, I know. I find it incredulous, too.

Poison-cat continues his bitey spree. Though, in general, his attacks are either provoked or aimed at people who are "bad". Most of the time, Poison-cat has a pretty decent sense of justice. Except when he contaminated the food supply. That was just a dick-move.

The remainder of the film is a bunch of kickass stuff like this...

This movie really is a blast to watch! So invite over some friends and put on Uninvited!

Until next time...

Poison Nibbles, 

Lady Terminator AKA Erika Instead

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