Friday, September 12, 2014

Slime City (1988)

Apparently the last movie I reviewed, Body Melt, put me in the mood to see more people dissolve into goo-puddles. I decided it was time to give the awesomely sloshy, goopfest, Slime City (1988) a watch. This was a first time view for me and what can I say? I had a hankerin' for a deliciously sloppy time and Slime City certainly delivered the fluids.

Warning: Thar be spoilers ahead!

This flick begins with Smug Art Guy thinking if he gets his own place, he can get his prude of a girlfriend to finally give it up and bang him. He's disappointed to discover that his new apartment isn't the magic key that unlocks her vagina. His artwork is also not the vaginal key.

Sex Magnet

He's under the impression that his new building is crammed full of old so there's no chance he'll just be able to appease his sexual appetites with some young and conveniently located strange. But then this big haired vision of 80's eyeshadowed beauty floats down from the heavens and gets him all riled up in the pantszone.

I crowd-sourced on facebook for what kind of music she listens to and Krell Laboratories had the winning suggestion!

Smug Art Guy doesn't immediately hook up with Big Hair but you know it's inevitable. This was the 80's after all and it would have been impossible to turn down hair action as seductive and wanton as that. Plus, look at the way this smokin' hot babe dresses! It's enough to give anyone an 80's boner. MEOW!

Yeah, sure beats my sloppy sweats and t-shirt.

And look at the way she slinks back into her apartment.

Pure sex.

In fact, I've been studying this move and it's how I'm going to enter my home from here on out. It may not be practical but it more than pays off in the coolness department.

So Smug Art Guy also meets another young resident, a poet with Duran Duran hair.

He's also hungry for dinner and invites Smug Art over for some grub which turns out to be delicious, vegetarian... pistachio pudding?

Mmm...a balanced meal! Just like Mom used to make! Actually, this is what Duran Duran tells his dinner guest they're having. Push play. It's funny.

In case you didn't bother to push play because you don't take orders from some blogger chic, he says it's "Himalayan yogurt". I just like the way he says it and you missed out, pal.

Duran Duran and Smug Art pair their fine dining with some mysterious alcohol and the next thing you know, Smug Art is drunk/high/hallucinating and sniffin' around Big Hair's fancy apartment looking for some sweet, sweet Aqua-Netted poon.

They bump uglies. And Smug Art wakes up the next day to some hardcore snail trails.

Might have overdone it with the KY. Scale it back a bit next time, 'kay.

Despite his sticky problem, Smug Art decides to brave the outside world and stop at a diner for a refreshing beverage. You know, like you do when you're hung over and oozing ridiculous amounts of mysterious mucousy shit.

His condition continues to worsen.

That is until he wrecks a homeless dude and discovers it miraculously puts a halt to his nasty skin condition.

Better than ointments and antibiotics!

Life continues to get weird for Smug Art. He needs to keep murdering to keep the liquification problem at bay and "appease the slime".  His new, unorthodox, health regimen causes him to have to distance himself from his girlfriend and 

He also discovers the dirty secret the residents of the building have been keeping. Here's a little tidbit. I love this line...

(Language Warning)

Another highlight of this film is Big Hair's dance moves. Or dance move. I call it The Windmill.

I think it's her signature move.

Mesmerizing. Seductive.

She's nailing it. So hard.

Another favorite scene has some thugs trying to rob Smug Art despite the fact that he looks gravely ill and they have no idea if he's contagious. Obviously, it's not going to go well, since we know Smug Art has a teensy weensy killing problem. But there's an unexpected physical side effect of the Himalayan yogurt. One that makes this scene especially fun. If you've seen it, you know what I mean. And it's awesome. Too awesome to reveal here.

But get this. While mugger is gettin' his comeuppance...

This is what his "friends" look like as they watch their buddy get dismembered by a slimy freak...

I'm pretty sure that guy on the right never really liked him all that much.

Now the most important thing about this movie is the last 10 minutes. It's totally insane, off-the-wall and super fun in all the ways you want a movie like this to be. Full of splattery special effects, hilarious lines and an antagonist that just won't die.

Here's a little taste of what you'll get...

Oh, and never fear. That's not the end. No sirree. The slime can not be so easily defeated with a simple decapitation. Nuh-uh. The ending is so much more than that. You should watch it. I mean, look at my rating.

 You can't argue with that. Looks like it's your turn to give Slime City a watch...

Thanks for stopping by! Until next time...

Slimy Hugs and Big Haired Kisses,
Lady Terminator AKA Erika Instead

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